It's not about what God has done to me, but what he has done for Adam...

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Adam decided to make an early appearance!

Adam was born Oct.30, 2009 at 9:23 am weighing 4 lbs 8.5 oz and 16 inches long.

Thursday morning, Oct 29th,I woke up at about 4 am feeling very uncomfortable and having pretty bad lower abdominal pains. I had plans to go stand in line to get my h1n1 vaccine and really wanted to get it so that Adam would be protected by getting my antibodies so I tried to ignore the pain. At first I didn't think it was contractions but then I noticed that the pain was coming in a pattern. I waited in line for 2 hrs so that me and Allison could get our shots but then I was in quite a bit of pain and knew that I needed to go to the Dr.

Steve left work, we dropped Allison off to my parents then we headed to my Ob. He checked me and I was 2 cm dilated, which was a change from how dilated I was on Monday and was contracting every 2-3 minutes. So he sent me to the hospital to get admitted and eventually transferred to St.Pete. At the hospital they started me on IV Magnesium to try and stop the contractions. No such luck.

Then they set up the transfer to St.Pete. The helicopter came and got me and in a short time I was at the new hospital, all alone and in lots of pain. Steve hurried up and packed and headed up with my parents and sister not too far behind. At the new hospital they stopped the IV Magnesium and started me on Procardia and then terbutaline to try and stop the contractions that were coming every 3-5 mninutes. The procardia didn't do anthing at all. The terbutaline did seem to space the conractions out, but only made the ones that I did have that much stronger. So I continued to have the contractions all night but about 7 am the nurse decided to check me again before giving me more medications to try and stop the labor and I was already dilated to 6cm. Since Adam was breech and it was becoming obvious that nothing that they were doing was going to keep him from coming, they decided to do a stat c-section. As nervous as I was to have my baby born at 35 weeks I was ready to have the pain over with. All night they wouldn't give me anything for the pain because they didn't know when I was going to have to deliver.

So I got the spinal, which luckily worked on both sides of my body unlike the epidural I had with Allison. And they prepped me for surgery. Steve was right next to me the entire time. When Adam was finally out, I waited and waited to hear him cry, but the cry never came. They worked on him for probably about 30 minutes and then told us that they had to intubate him because his lungs seemed really stiff and under developed. This was one of the things that we had hoped and prayed would not happen.

Everything from yesterday after the c-section is a big blur from the pain meds and just the trauma of the whole ordeal. I was napping in the room when Steve called and said that I needed to try to get down there soon to see Adam because it wasn't looking very good. Originaly the nurse had said that maybe after dinner they would get me up to go see him but I told them that I really needed to get down there now. They hesitated by finally said I could go as long as I had family with me and I didn't get out of the wheelchair.

They had to put Adam on a high velocity ventilator with nitrous oxide for his breathing and several medications for his blood pressure because it was dangerously low. Then they ran lots of tests and the prognosis was pretty bad. We were told that he had no kidney function and dialysis would be very difficult. The news wasn't good but it was what we expected.

This morning when we went to visit Adam the nurse practioner came to us and told us that they had found that Adam didn't have any kidney tissue left and dialysis wasn't an option, that he would sooner than later, die of the build up of toxins. Devasted we began talking over our options of whether to take him off the ventilator so that we could spend some time with him before died from the toxin build up or keep him on the ventilator and just allow him to go peacefully in his sleep.

When we went back to see Adam, we met with the neonatologist who gave us a little different outlook. He said that the lungs were small and underdeveloped but were functioning better than they had expected. The day before he was on 100% oxygen on the ventilator and now he's down to 40%, and his saturations are just as good. He said that this could be what they call "the honeymoon period" when they begin to look better but then get worse again and we should be able to get a better idea about his lungs within the next 24-36 hrs.

He also said that IF his lungs continued to improve that it would be possible to do dialysis. It would be very risky for a baby his size who is also on a ventilator and he could die during the shunt placement, but it is possible.

More things we have to worry about are the urinary tract obstruction and his heart condition that he will need open heart surgery for. Even if he survives one surgery, he may not survive the next because if his numerous problems.

Now they are having trouble keeping IV access. All of his tiny veins keep blowing. They are trying for the second time to place a line into his umbilical artery and I am praying that it will work. If not then they will have to consult a surgeon to place a broviac line.

Please keep Adam in your prayers! I am not giving up on my son, but I do want whats best for him.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Almost there...

Today I am 34 weeks 5 days. 15 days until the c-section. As of Oct.23, Adam is estimated to weigh 4 lbs 6 oz. He is measuring about 9 days behind.

Things have pretty much been staying the same with Adam. I am going for a million Dr appts a week. Actually only 5, but it feels like a million. He has been passing all of his test. Sometimes it take the Dr a little while to get him to cooperate so that they can see what they need to see to assure that he's OK, but he eventually does it. The have stopped measuring the amniotic fluid. It hasn't changed too much over the last several weeks and its more stressful to hear such a low number every week. Several appts ago, it did look like it was going to start to go up, but the next appt, it was back down.

There is a new finding with Adam's heart. He has an arrhythmia sometimes. They haven't seen it at every appt, but at several they have. At first they thought that it was from using my inhaler for my asthma quite often during the "cold front" that we had but now I am back to using it like normal and it's still there sometimes. Nobody is too concerned about it. I am not either. We will just have to see what happens when he's born.

Over the weekend, I wasn't feeling too good all week, lots of cramps contractions and a little spotting. I didn't think it was necessary to go to OB triage, so I just waited it out until my appt on Monday. During the appt, they checked my cervix and I am now 1 cm dilated and 75% effaced. The MFM Dr wanted me to be monitored for awhile to see if they needed to stop the contractions so he sent me to OB triage. They hooked me up and I was having contractions about every 3-5 mins and they were starting to hurt. After 3 shots of a medication called terbutaline, they had slowed to about every 7 minutes so they sent me home. Since then, I haven't had too many. During my appt today, I only had 2 small contractions, pretty typical for this late in the pregnancy. Hopefully they will stay away. Not only do I not want to end up delivering here, I do not want any more terbutaline and definitely don't want any IV Mag Sulfate. The terbutaline makes you very jittery, dizzy, nauseous and gave me an awful headache. And from what I have heard about Mag Sulfate, it is much, much worse!!

Everyday I wake up and feel Adam move, I thank God that he allowed him to make it through the night. The closer I get to the delivery date, the more nervous I am getting that he is going to die before I even get to hold him while he is breathing. I know that whatever happens, it will be what God wants to happen, but I want more than anything to be able to hold my baby alive and for him to have a chance to live. I want him to prove the Dr's wrong and show everybody that God has performed a miracle with my son!

At this point, I am excited to meet Adam, but nervous about what the outcome is going to be. I will never fully be prepared for what I am going to have to go through, but I feel like I am as ready as I ever will be for God's plan to be revealed to me. Part of me feels like I am counting down to the day my son will die and I feel guilty about that. But this whole pregnancy has been such an awful emotional roller coaster and I am ready for this part of the ride to be over. If Adam is not supposed to live here with me on Earth, then I know he is better off in Heaven where he will have no pain and not be subjected to the many surgeries he will be put through while he is here. He can go to Heaven and be with his other siblings that I have miscarried.

That being said, I am not giving up on him and will do everything humanly possible to give him a chance at life. I believe that God will tell me when enough is enough and it's time to let him go. Hopefully, that day will not come until I am old and have left earth myself!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Marathon of Dr appts

I haven't posted anything new lately because not too much has been happening. I have been seeing my OB Dr every Monday for an appt, including a non-stress test. Then on Wed and Fri, I go to the hospital for non-stress tests. On Monday and Friday, I see the MFM here in town for an ultrasound that includes a biophysical profile. All of these appts have been going just as expected and Adam seems to be doing fine without having any fluid.

I will be 33 weeks this Friday, Oct. 16th. Right now, Adam's estimated weight is 3 lbs 15 oz. He is measuring about a week behind, but a few weeks ago he was 2 weeks behind. This is only an estimate but he has really been putting on weight in the past few weeks, hopefully it will continue like this.

Yesterday was such a long day and I hope to never have to repeat it! We drove to St.Pete, had 3 Dr appts and a tour of labor and delivery in the hospital where I will be delivering and then drove back home. Luckily, Allison was exhausted from a fun day with her great grandparents and was asleep by 7:30! So I was able to get some much needed rest.

The first appt we had was with the Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr in St.Pete. The Dr we saw was very nice and didn't remind us how bad Adam's prognosis really is. I really appreciated that because by this point, we know what we are looking at and I hate being reminded of this constantly. We had an ultrasound which was pretty much the same as all the other ultrasounds have been except they found a pocket of fluid that nobody else has been measuring, so the level was a little more than we expected. I think she said it was 1.9. All the other ultrasounds have been between 0.5-0.7. I'm not sure if this is possibly a new pocket or one that nobody else has seen because she looked for it really low, underneath Adam's little butt. After the ultrasound we just went over some details about the c-section and they gave me the orders to bring to the hospital. I don't have to go back there now. I will just see the Dr on Adam's birthday.

Next we met with a lady from the hospital who gave us a tour of the labor and delivery department. It wasn't really that educational, but it was nice to see where I will be staying. Maybe it will help me be a little more comfortable when the big day comes. I also pre-registered for the hospital, so that's one less thing to worry about when I go in.

The next appt was with the cardiologist. They did a fetal echo, and it took forever! The ultrasound tech said that Adam was in the worst position possible to get a good look at his heart. They didn't find anything new. We are still just looking at a bicuspid aortic valve and possible aortic coarctation. The one thing that does concern me, is that the Dr said that they would be able to do heart surgery if Adam had adequate kidney function. But we know he's not going to and every time I asked if he was on dialysis if he would still be able to have the surgery, the Dr kind of talked in circles to avoid answering my question. So, I am really confused. We don't know how severe the coarctation is and it might be so minor that he doesn't need surgery until he's about a year old. But if it does need repaired right away, I don't see how they can allow a baby to die of a heart defect in order to save his non-functioning kidneys. Doesn't make sense to me. But I am going to let it go and not stress out about it. We will have to see how everything turns out when he's born. The cardiologist in Miami didn't even see the problem so I'm hoping its not that bad and can wait.

The last appt we had was with the urologist. He didn't really have much to say that we didn't already know. He seems to think that the blockage probably is a posterior urethra valve, an extra flap inside the urethra that is blocking the flow of urine. This is what the Dr in Miami thought also. He went over the plan for whats going to happen after Adam is born. Nothing is going to be STAT and can be handled as routine.

I am very happy that I made it through yesterday. I went for a non-stress test today and Adam did great. NO appts tmrw!!! Yay!! Then 2 more on Friday....Praying that everything either stays how it is now and Adam makes it just like this until delivery or it gets better and God chooses to heal my baby!