It's not about what God has done to me, but what he has done for Adam...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Almost there...

Today I am 34 weeks 5 days. 15 days until the c-section. As of Oct.23, Adam is estimated to weigh 4 lbs 6 oz. He is measuring about 9 days behind.

Things have pretty much been staying the same with Adam. I am going for a million Dr appts a week. Actually only 5, but it feels like a million. He has been passing all of his test. Sometimes it take the Dr a little while to get him to cooperate so that they can see what they need to see to assure that he's OK, but he eventually does it. The have stopped measuring the amniotic fluid. It hasn't changed too much over the last several weeks and its more stressful to hear such a low number every week. Several appts ago, it did look like it was going to start to go up, but the next appt, it was back down.

There is a new finding with Adam's heart. He has an arrhythmia sometimes. They haven't seen it at every appt, but at several they have. At first they thought that it was from using my inhaler for my asthma quite often during the "cold front" that we had but now I am back to using it like normal and it's still there sometimes. Nobody is too concerned about it. I am not either. We will just have to see what happens when he's born.

Over the weekend, I wasn't feeling too good all week, lots of cramps contractions and a little spotting. I didn't think it was necessary to go to OB triage, so I just waited it out until my appt on Monday. During the appt, they checked my cervix and I am now 1 cm dilated and 75% effaced. The MFM Dr wanted me to be monitored for awhile to see if they needed to stop the contractions so he sent me to OB triage. They hooked me up and I was having contractions about every 3-5 mins and they were starting to hurt. After 3 shots of a medication called terbutaline, they had slowed to about every 7 minutes so they sent me home. Since then, I haven't had too many. During my appt today, I only had 2 small contractions, pretty typical for this late in the pregnancy. Hopefully they will stay away. Not only do I not want to end up delivering here, I do not want any more terbutaline and definitely don't want any IV Mag Sulfate. The terbutaline makes you very jittery, dizzy, nauseous and gave me an awful headache. And from what I have heard about Mag Sulfate, it is much, much worse!!

Everyday I wake up and feel Adam move, I thank God that he allowed him to make it through the night. The closer I get to the delivery date, the more nervous I am getting that he is going to die before I even get to hold him while he is breathing. I know that whatever happens, it will be what God wants to happen, but I want more than anything to be able to hold my baby alive and for him to have a chance to live. I want him to prove the Dr's wrong and show everybody that God has performed a miracle with my son!

At this point, I am excited to meet Adam, but nervous about what the outcome is going to be. I will never fully be prepared for what I am going to have to go through, but I feel like I am as ready as I ever will be for God's plan to be revealed to me. Part of me feels like I am counting down to the day my son will die and I feel guilty about that. But this whole pregnancy has been such an awful emotional roller coaster and I am ready for this part of the ride to be over. If Adam is not supposed to live here with me on Earth, then I know he is better off in Heaven where he will have no pain and not be subjected to the many surgeries he will be put through while he is here. He can go to Heaven and be with his other siblings that I have miscarried.

That being said, I am not giving up on him and will do everything humanly possible to give him a chance at life. I believe that God will tell me when enough is enough and it's time to let him go. Hopefully, that day will not come until I am old and have left earth myself!

3 comments:

The Long Family said...

Hey

My name is COurtney. My mom took care of you in the hospital one time at the cape. She gave me your blogg to look up. I just caught up on everything. You and Adam are definitley in our prayers as your date gets closer. We know how the unknown sucks..but you want to keep the baby in because that is where he is safe. My son was born with a very very serious heart defect. He has had 2 open heart surgeries but is doing very well now. Please call me anytime...we spent lots of time in St. Pete..and know all about it there. 239-699-3296
Courtney and Cody!!!

Bren said...

April, I can't express how inspiring you are to me. Your strength is amazing. I can't imagine going through all this and having such a wonderful faith in God and his way. I am looking forward to seeing Adam's little face when he gets here and pray he is healthy and you can hold your little boy without pain.
Your family is in my prayers.

grandma said...

Well, from what I heard today, Congratulations on your delivery. I pray that everything goes Adam's way and that the both of you are doing well. God Bless!
Love, Brenda (Grandma)