It's not about what God has done to me, but what he has done for Adam...

Saturday, August 7, 2010

And again...

 I am starting to feel like a broken record.  I miss Adam.  I miss him so much, I would give anything to hold him again.  To kiss his little forehead, to hold him in my arms and tell him again how much I love him. 

Here is a poem that I found that I really like

A million times I've missed you, a million times I've cried.

If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
but to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone,
for part of me went with you the day the angels called you home.
For things on earth don't matter, but now I feel so alone,
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole.
We might be parted for awhile, but our hearts will always be together
for one day soon we will hold hands again forever.


Sometimes I feel like some people are waiting for me to "get over it".  Guess what?  It's NOT going to happen.  If that's what you are waiting on, then maybe you should just move on.  Nobody is forcing you to read my blog, you can always "hide" my Facebook status updates.  This grieving that I am doing is going to last a lifetime and if it is too much for you to handle, if I make you uncomfortable, try to put yourself in my shoes and think about how I feel...

And to everyone else, thank you for your support and dealing with my moodiness, frequent teary eyes and saddness!


Stephanie said...

April, you should only be surrounded by those that are patient with you. Don't waste a second of your energy on those that don't. This is the new April. The April that people knew before Adam no longer exists. Either they love you and him enough to accept you or they don't. If they don't then it's their loss. You go on loving our sweet Adam on telling everyone how you feel. His life means something and so does yours! I love you!

Cali's Mom said...

What a beautiful poem, it captures the love and loss that angel moms feel. April I hope that you can feel love and support for the other angel moms around you. One phrase that I heard a lot early on was "the new normal." Losing your little baby changes you and life will never be the same as it was, but there is a "new normal" somewhere and the friends and family who love you will continue to love you while you find the new normal that works for you. Thanks for sharing the poem.

Anonymous said...

Don't ever feel like you have to hide your grieving from your friends or family. A mother will always grieve for her child even if it has been 1 week, 1 mth, 1 year or 10 years. I wouldn't expect anything different. I love you and will always be here for you.