It's not about what God has done to me, but what he has done for Adam...

Friday, September 3, 2010

If only I could peak into Heaven...

If only I could take a little peak into Heaven, and see Adam,  my heart might not ache so much.  I wish I knew more about Heaven so that I would have an idea about what Adam looks like, what he's doing, and what knows about me.  Is he still a newborn?  A 10 month old baby boy?  Or is he an adult?  If I could just have an image of him, my mind would be more at ease.  What is he really doing in Heaven?  Is he playing with my other babies?  Is he praising God by singing a beautiful song to him?  Does he get to see what I'm doing and watch his big sister grow up?  I just have so many questions that I wish I had answers to.

Yesterday, before work, I looked up to the night sky and said to God, "Please, please let me see a shooting star!  It's been SO long!"  Before I finished the work "long", there it was!  A star shooting across the sky.  How can that not have been an answered prayer?  I am always looking at the stars and praying for a shooting star, but hadn't seen one since December on the cruise.  I actually had pretty much given up because I figured that God wanted me to have Faith in Him, and if he always showed me a star when I asked for one, then that wouldn't really be faith.  Today marks 10 months since Adam went to Heaven.  I think if I hadn't seen that star yesterday, I would be a complete mess today.  But I do have a little sense of peace knowing that he is ok. 

3 comments:

Stephanie said...

I love you and Adam, April. I can't answer any of the questions that you have about heaven but I can tell you that I have made up my own thoughts and visions. I like to believe that heaven is exactly the way that I believe it to be because that would be heaven to ME! I know that God will forgive me if I am wrong. I'd like to believe that Adam is not only playing with your other babies but that he is playing with mine and all of your other Angel Moms babies as well. I'd like to believe that they jump on clouds and slide down rainbows. I'd also like to believe that they peek over the cloud every now and then to smile down on us. I'd like to believe that God would only allow our babies to see us smiling and remembering them and never the hurt and pain that we feel. I'd like to believe that as he looks down that he whispers to an angel, "Go kiss and hug my Mommy for me. Wave your wings and send a breeze and butterfly my sister's way!" I'd like to believe that when we die that we would be ushered directly into heaven's nursery by Jesus. And, that He would say, "well done my good and faithful daughter. Now, rest and rock your babies awhile."

wioletta said...

you said it so well. This something I'd love to do. You made me cry. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my son dec 29th 2009, he was born still at 39 weeks. I sure hope that our babies wait for us at heaven.

Lisette said...

I am so glad you got your shooting star. It is crazy how something so simple like that means so much.
I have been so emotional lately, perhaps because next month will already be one year, how time has flown by. I have to keep telling myself that as the days pass I am just getting closer to seeing her once again instead of time being my enemy.
I recently read 6 Big, Big angel's, you should read it. It will really give you a glimpse into heaven. It brought me so much peace. ((HUGS))