It's not about what God has done to me, but what he has done for Adam...

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

It's in God's hands now

We went to our appt in St.Pete yesterday, fully expecting to be kept for observation like my OB had suggested, but the appt went in a whole new direction. The dr there does not think Adam has a very good prognosis. He said that there is a very high risk of cord compression, which would lead to a still birth. To be sure this doesn't happen, he was willing to do a csection today, but said that he would have practically no chance to survive if he was born now. He believes that it would be best to wait to as close to 37 weeks as possible in order for Adam to be big enough to survive the surgeries that he needs. But he doesn't think even at 37 weeks, that he has much of a chance to live anyway. We scheduled a c section for Nov. 12, I will be 36 weeks 6 days. 37 weeks was on Friday the 13th, and I am not superstitious, but I don't need anything else not being in our favor.

Steve called the MFM here today to see if they could possibly keep me in the hospital for observation until 37 weeks or at least until delivery became absolutely necessary, but the Dr said that he doesn't feel that its necessary. All of the Dr's agree that Adam will probably be stillborn, but none of them are willing to do anything about it!! I have tried but it is out of my hands now.

Every minute of the day that I am not feeling Adam move, my mind is wondering if maybe he compressed his cord and died. Mentally, the only way I am going to survive this, is by giving it to God and knowing that it is in his hands. I don't like feeling helpless, but I don't know what else to do. It is going to be a very long 6 weeks. The only thing that is keeping me going is knowing that Allison needs me. I almost believe her when she sees me crying and comes over and hugs me and tells me, "don't cry, mommy, its gonna be o-tay"...

5 comments:

Jenna said...

April, my heart goes out to you. I will continue to pray for you all, God has worked miracles before and I will pray for a miracle for your sweet boy.

Lisette said...

I am really sorry to hear this, my heart just aches because I know what it feels like when doctors do not feel there is a chance. You just feel so discriminated against huh? The doctors tell me the same thing at every appointment but you have to remember and have faith that the only person who has the final say is God. I know it is scary, I am scared everyday too because they tell me the same thing about a stillbirth. You do not give up, God chose you to carry Adam and that in itself is a true blessing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I know this journey is so difficult but you have to stay strong. I wish you I could give you a hug right now!!! I will be praying that God carries both of you through.

FYI, you can buy a fetal heart doppler on ebay, I have one that I got for like $80 and I love it. Whenever I need to be reassured that Sami is OK, I just check it myself. You can also buy the gel online or just ask the doctor for some. It is not the kind that you can buy at a store either, it is really good quality and works great.

Hope's Blog said...

I am actually pretty amazed they are not keeping you until delivery. I was given a pretty grim prognosis with my daughter as well, but when my fluid got low they admitted me right away. I was already 36 weeks, but my daughter was measuring really small (32 weeks) which made the prognosis after delivery even more bleak (I think they do this to cover their butts).

God has shown us many miracles since Hope was born and I truly believe in the power of prayer...more so now than I ever did before. The doctors at our original hospital gave up on our little girl and she made it through surgery today.

I will pray like crazy for you, Adam, and your family. Take care of yourself and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

grandma said...

April and Steve, May God give you only as much as you can handle and seek him as I know you are. Maybe God needs Adam more than you, who knows. My heart aches for you guys, it has to be the toughest thing you will ever go through. Saying lots of prayers for you.

Bren said...

April, I don't know what to say. I am going to pray for our family and your baby boy. I truly hope he makes it.